For This Child I Prayed

<sup>Read Part 1 of my pregnancy story here.

“</sup>For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.”

1 Samuel 1:27

We moved into our new home in September. By January, there still existed  a few junk rooms filled with unpacked boxes and miscellaneous items. The room on the second floor with a door to hide everything didn’t bother me so much. It was the room on the first floor that was an embarrassment. I decided to conquer one of those rooms one afternoon during my Christmas break. Jake silently refused to go through boxes of his old college homework, notebooks, etc. so I decided to take them on. He was being useful and manly elsewhere, as usual, hammering some nails into the roof that afternoon.

Out of one of the boxes I pulled a journal dating back to his freshman year of college. We both were in undergrad together at VCU and I found some written prayers about us and our future. I found it adorably attractive that he was already praying about marriage. I decided that since it was more than five years old and we were married now that it was sort of like public record. I flipped through and smiled at all the ways God had answered his prayers. I began to close the journal but at a glance I read the words “Hannah” and “pregnant” in the same sentence. Jake had written:

 “Hannah could not become pregnant in her own strength so she humbly pleaded before the Lord that he would help her. Once He did, she acknowledged God for his help and was overjoyed.”

Woah. What in the world? How did freshman year Jake know about our desire and struggle to become pregnant? Pregnancy hadn’t even crossed my mind during freshman year of college. What did Jake know that I didn’t? I checked the dates once more and confirmed they were in fact from that year. I read on.

Soon, I realized that Jake had been taking notes on a passage in the Bible about a woman named Hannah. Hannah desired to have children but was barren for years. She pleaded with the Lord for a child. When she humbly bowed herself before him, he heard her cry and she became pregnant with Samuel. This baby, Samuel, grew up to live an amazing and holy life for God and is one of the greatest prophets of the Old Testament.

Back to my story…All I could think about that week was pregnancy. And I had decided to clean that room to take my mind off pregnancy. I couldn’t escape it. I wanted so very much to find that we had conceived this time. I knew God would provide at just the perfect time. The waiting was the hard part. I couldn’t turn off my mind and pretend I didn’t care if it had happened this time. So when I read this, I was comforted, knowing that for the Hannah in the Bible, she couldn’t become pregnant on her own and I couldn’t either. This time that reality lifted all the weight I had been carrying. OK God, I thought, I think I get the point this time. You’ve got this, so I can really stop worrying.

A few days later, the Lord let me in on his plans: beautifully delicate double lines on a pregnancy test! I was pregnant! As I stood there in awe of His work, there was a heavy peace and soberness as I reflected on all the months past. There was no bitterness or resentment that the Lord would withhold this gift till now. He was good. His timing was good. The refining of my soul had been good. He had been preparing me to be a mother that sought Him before anything else. The emptiness of my womb had been good, as each passing month I had been filled more with Christ. The discontentment I felt in this world was good, pointing me to the brevity of my life and reminding me of my home in heaven. But now was the time for celebration! The Lord had heard our petition!

I'm sharing our story so that you know it's not always as easy as it appears. There were so many times when I’d get on Facebook and see 17 new pregnancy announcements (I exaggerate). It just seemed so easy when in reality, it’s often not. I pray you are filled with hope at all the Lord has planned for your family. If you’ve had trouble conceiving, my heart aches with you. No matter how long it takes, don’t give up on the Lord. His timing can feel like eternity, but in the end his plans are always more beautiful than our own. Humble yourself before the Lord and share with him the desires of your heart.

To the one who is struggling to find comfort in barrenness, wait on the Lord.

To the one who says “time is running out,” wait on the Lord.

To the one who thinks God doesn’t hear, wait on the Lord.

“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!” Psalm 113:9